"Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king, and then became one. Well except for the names and a few other changes, if you talk about me, the story's the same one..."
The first moment I heard Neil Diamond's "I Am...I Said" come across the radio it hit me like a ton of bricks. Going through a difficult period that many teenagers go through, I was searching for answers revolving around what I was going to do with my life. Looking back, it was a bit of a curse to be such a deep thinker in my mid-teens, 'cause it would have been a lot more fun to just play hockey, raise hell, chase girls and focus on the more trivial things in Life. What struck me most about that first encounter with Neil's lyric was that someone else knew exactly how I felt and could put that feeling into words...and that connection to that lost, longing, mournful feeling in my gut somehow seemed to lighten the load.
"Well I got an emptiness deep inside and I've tried, but it won't let me go. And I'm not a man who likes to swear, but I never cared for the sound of being alone..."
I say all this now 'cause I think it's important for aspiring filmmakers to be aware of the need to brace yourself for the huge wave of emptiness and, dare I say, deep sorrow that washes over you the day after you wrap principal photography on your first film. I thought that the daze I was walking around in today was due to the lack of sleep from the 20 hour days I've put in for weeks now...but that's not the case. I simply miss the creative bubble that I lived in with my Cast & Crew day after day, night after night...watching everyone pull for each other, cheering every musical performance...laughing and crying together...overcoming obstacles big and small - and rushing over to hug an actor when the emotion of a particular scene overwhelmed us and holding them for a moment to thank them for their gift of putting everything they had inside them into the words I wrote for their Characters. I don't know if all this happens on other film sets...or if this will ever happen again...but it all happened, and then some, every day of our shoot.
Flashes that run on a loop non-stop in my head include watching my small but extremely capable and dedicated crew frantically rush to break down a set and move to another location as fast as possible so we can stay on schedule; the artistry of the makeup people and the attention to detail the art director and production designer took to make certain our film had an authentic look and feel to it; our choreographer working with Jay & Danielle on the all-important "Dance" sequence and to see the smiles on my stars faces as they locked eyes and got into the scene in a way far better than I wrote it; all the production assistants who worked like slaves without complaint just for the experience and the film credit; all the people who took time off their day jobs to help coordinate the lodging and transportation and catering, etc; all the effort it took just to make sure the stages and venues we were allowed to use looked like real performance settings; those high school students who no doubt learned more in one day on our set then they will in a year of their study of film in school and the amazing looks on their eager faces; the months working with my guys in the recording studio to create a Soundtrack that will blow everyone away with its song selection and production; those ad-lib moments during takes from the actors that, thank God, I kept the cameras rolling on long after the scripted scene was finished. And then to think of all those who said it couldn't be done...that you absolutely cannot make a film with the scope and scale of "Beautiful Noise" on a shoestring budget with unknown actors and a relatively inexperienced crew from Sarasota. They were wrong.
And most of all...best of all...all those private moments and conversations with cast members on the set riffing back and forth about how they think their characters should react in certain scenes and what I was looking for in their performance...and then off the set, getting to know them personally, sharing pieces of our lives with each other and realizing how much we care about the material and each other - and knowing what this opportunity I offered really means to them and how it can positively impact their careers and lives.
And then suddenly...I'm alone again.
"I am I said...to no one there. And no one heard at all, not even the chair..."
“Beautiful Noise" was conceived and written in solitude. The songs were selected by me alone, as was the momentous decision to create an indie film production company and make the movie right here in Sarasota, while walking Crescent Beach on Siesta Key every day for weeks and months.
"I am, I cried.
I am, said I.
And I am lost and I can't even say why..."
I love writing and making movies that both entertain and enlighten.
I love this movie.
I love and miss my Cast & Crew.
So to you aspiring filmmakers, be prepared for that first day after principal photography wraps. 'Cause it's a killer.
"...leaving me lonely still."
Steve
