Both Sides Now

Joni Mitchells' classic "Free Man In Paris" is a featured song in our Musical-Drama, but as the Countdown continues toward our April 9th World Premiere at the Sarasota Film Festival, Joni's hit "Both Sides Now" has been playing non-stop in my head. A friend asked me today how I felt as we near those Opening Night audiences and the Q&A sessions that follow each screening. I honestly haven't had time to dwell on any of that 'cause we're buttoning up post production and prepping for the big Beautiful Noise Live! Concert event in Sarasota this Friday night. But the question lingered all day and got me thinking about the magnitude of my first feature film being screened to over 1,500 people at a world-class film festival in a few days. As a result, Joni's lyrics from Both Sides Now ring out and set the reflective mood I'm in:

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at Life that way...

I admit it. Among other things, I'm a hopeless romantic...but I don't apologize for that 'cause it fuels my writing and enabled me to pen Beautiful Noise in a way that helps me tell the Story I wanted to tell. I'm anxious to see how people respond to the film and I carry a heavy load knowing that the decisions I made making this movie affect the forward motion of the careers of my terrific Cast & Crew...and my own. But I do love the process and I am proud of what we've accomplished - and this dream to create a full-blown indie production company here in Sarasota has become a reality. Now we're about to be judged, and...

Now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day  

Making this movie is the hardest thing I've ever done. I mean, it's just been unbelievable what it took to see this through to this point...and as noted in the previous blog post, it's just the end of the beginning. Now the real heavy lifting takes place trying to raise the needed capital to promote our film and Sarasota indie filmmaking around the world. But I'm a believer. I was relentless in my pursuit of the goal to make a high quality, low budget film here on the Suncoast and I know I made a lot of new friends and no doubt a few new enemies along the way. But that's what it takes to make positive things happen. You keep moving forward no matter what and hope that people understand and embrace the effort. The rest is up to the Universe and the movie gods.

I've looked at Life from both sides now
From Win & Lose and still somehow
It's Life's illusions I recall
I really don't know Life at all

In the final analysis, this movie won't make or break me and my BN Team. After all, nobody knows what the future holds - but I can say one thing with complete command and authority. This process has been a teachable moment in my life. Win or lose, I've learned a lot...and the most important thing I've learned is...if you never ever give up and never ever give in you can succeed beyond your wildest dreams and inspire those you love and work with to do the same - and that action can be life-changing for them. At that point it doesn't really matter how many critics love our movie or how much the worldwide grosses are a coupla years from now. What matters most is I did my best, I saw it through, I'm going to continue to make entertaining, marketable feature films the rest of my life and some members of my Cast & Crew will benefit immensely from their time spent with me creating Beautiful Noise. And for that I'm eternally grateful.

ST